“People do not understand how much they are suffering because they have never experienced
what it is like to not suffer.”
(Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul, New Harbinger Publications, 2007)
(Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul, New Harbinger Publications, 2007)
The other day someone asked me what Mosaic’s mission statement was.
In my 16th year as the publisher and editor, you’d think I would have one, but I don’t. So I gave her my most honest, spontaneous, simple answer.
There are so many kinds of suffering – the kind you can see on the outside but just as important is the suffering we all struggle with on the inside.
It’s been my experience that the easiest way to transform suffering is to let something new in – especially knowledge.
I know how powerful new information is. One simple sentence can change the way you see everything. One new idea can totally transform your whole life. And that’s why I publish this magazine!
Like many people, I grew up in a home/school environment that was limiting in so many ways and because I didn’t know any better, I spent most of my life (until I was in my mid 30’s) in an almost constant state of suffering.
It wasn’t the kind of obvious suffering that left me in bed or physically feeble or bleeding. It was a quiet, gnawing anxiousness that was always there inside of me, a nameless weight where I was often scared of everything, sometimes even myself – my thoughts, my feelings.
It wasn’t until I had my daughter, Gabrielle (in early 2000) and my brother, Gene, died just over a month later (from cancer at 46 years old), I went into a deep post-partum depression.
At the same time my Mom (at 76 years old) had just had one of her kidneys removed (also due to cancer) and was very sick. To top it off, my husband, baby daughter and I had also just moved from Edmonton to isolated Fort McMurray where I didn’t know anyone.
On the outside I looked fine, but on the inside my Pandora’s box (which had always had a little crack in it) had been blown wide open and I did not know how to deal with what was happening inside of me.
It was at a holistic workshop in Fort McMurray a few months later when I first experienced CranioSacral Therapy.
It was my first taste of freedom and how glorious it felt to release suffering and experience inner peace instead. I knew at once that I had found something profound that could help me. I felt like it saved my life – because it did. And then I was a captivated believer.
During one particularly difficult time, I remember feeling so low that I didn’t know how I was going to get through it. Then (within one alternative healing session) I had such an intense healing that I was in awe of the peace that I immediately experienced. I felt like I had found the golden ticket – the greatest secret ever – that could help so many people like me.
It was that experience of metamorphosis when I made an internal commitment to Spirit/God to let as many people as possible know that there is another way, an easier way, a more beautiful way to get through life. It felt like my responsibility to share it – that it was part of my purpose here on Earth.
Since that time, I have purposely sought out hundreds of different techniques, therapies and products to help me heal myself and, as a result, now my life has much more beauty and peace. Like an intricate puzzle, every time I find a missing piece of my mosaic, of me, and place it where it belongs, I become more light-filled and stronger. I have been to hell and back in my life, well, a few times now. I know that crazy road well. But now I want a different path so I intentionally seek ways to find peace within myself.
So when the unexpected opportunity to become the publisher and editor of Mosaic Magazine came in January 2004, I was so excited! Here was my opportunity to help others learn about, and then experience, their own healing and transformation.
It felt like my destiny – like everything was coming together after all. Finally my past made some sense! Although I had graduated from Grant MacEwan’s Journalism Program in 1985 (with some of the top marks in my class) and worked at two small newspapers, I really did not like being a reporter and therefore ended up working in various administrative positions for nearly 20 years (including working for a number of executives at Telus).
But it was difficult for me to find peace with that because the reason I took journalism wasn’t because I had a great desire to inform the world of truth (although, it turns out that is true of me). It was actually due to a mystical experience I had in Grade 3 when I heard an audible voice tell me not once, but twice, that I would be a writer someday. I’ve had many more amazing mystical experiences since, but I’ve only heard that audible voice twice and both times it was about my writing.
So when I discovered that I hated being a reporter, I felt like I had really screwed everything up. I lost faith in myself and in Spirit too. But still, in the quietest moments when I let myself dream, I often wished I could work for a magazine that I loved and really believed in.
My wish came true with Mosaic as I merged my journalism education and my love for personal and spiritual development into this magazine. I renamed it “Mosaic Mind, Body and Spirit Magazine” and we’ve come a long way since then! With much of my time, love and energy the little black and white newsprint magazine turned into a beautiful, professional gloss, full color magazine with 30,000 copies printed and distributed (each issue, four times a year) throughout Alberta until the end of 2018. You can read copies of the printed issues from 2009 – 2018 online by clicking here.
For 14 years my whole life revolved around this magazine. Every three months, I created a new magazine (42 issues in all). It was an incredible amount of work and, if I’m honest, sometimes an overwhelming burden, but I was so committed to my belief that Mosaic could help change people’s lives that I could not just abandon it, no matter how difficult it was at times.
Indeed, now I see that I’m a classic case of the Wounded Healer archetype, as many of us are that work in the healing fields. “This archetype describes a being who has gone through a journey of self transformation triggered by trauma. Within this concept is the understanding that from the wound, comes a gift in the form of growth. More specifically, this gift generally manifests as a call for the wounded healer to help others heal their own wounds. The trauma results in a significant personal shift that allows us to gain wisdom and that can be used in service of others.” (Ana Campos, A Little Bit of Shamanism, Sterling Ethos, 2019)
In October 2018, as I was working on the November issue of Mosaic, it became sadly apparent that it would be my last printed issue as I could no longer afford to publish it. I say that like it was a simple decision but it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It was like losing a baby of mine, a child that I had put so much love, energy and time into. I just couldn’t let it completely die, so I decided to transform it into an online magazine, something I knew absolutely nothing about.
Creating this new online magazine website turned into yet another multicolored, labyrinthian journey of mine. I had a beautiful vision of what I wanted and 1½ years later, lots of moola, three different websites and three web-designers later, I’ve finally got what I first envisioned and that is all thanks to the wonderful Linda Keller.
Looking back, I once again see how Spirit really did “have my back” with Mosaic (when I felt like I was abandoned). While my heart still laments the printed magazine, after Covid19, I see that Mosaic’s online evolution was really a blessing in disguise. I love, love, love the new online version more than I ever thought I ever could. It’s inspiring, beautiful, creative, helpful and so flexible. It feels more like play than work, which is a beautiful gift to me.
And that brings me to something else that has evolved since the printed version of Mosaic… me. Mosaic went through a huge metamorphosis over this past year and so did I. The Connie that published the printed magazine is not the same Connie that is publishing this online version. I have grown so incredibly much over the last year and now I’m excited to let my little light shine in a whole new way.
It’s my intention for Mosaic to be a catalyst, a stepping stone to assist you in changing whatever is not working in your life and/or to explore new parts of who you are. Why? Because the more that each one of us heals, the more the whole world will simultaneously heal and change.
My vision for Mosaic is as clear today as it was in the beginning. I want it to be an invaluable resource to both our readers and to the many professional holistic health service providers in it. Its purpose is to educate our readers about the wide variety of personal development, holistic alternative health and healing therapies/services available.
It contains a beautiful mixture of both practical and mystical knowledge designed to bring you more hope, insight, clarity and peace, AND to connect you with the varied people/modalities/resources that can help you navigate your life’s journey. You were never meant to do it alone.
I think it’s important to also say that not everything works for everyone. While I love CranioSacral Therapy and many other therapies, that doesn’t mean it’s for you and even within each type of therapy, each therapist’s energy is different. The key is to find the therapies, practitioners, resources and products that resonate with you, that make your heart sing. It’s a journey of self discovery and one where curiosity can be your best friend.
The other wonderful thing Mosaic Magazine does is often feature marvellous art on our article pages providing local artists a unique place to showcase their work. Art, in itself, is very healing and creating things of beauty is very important to me, as beauty holds such a high vibration.
It’s this reason that I asked Oksana Zhelisko (www.zheliskoart.com) to create a new logo for me for this new website – one that featured my daughter, Gabrielle, in front of a beautiful stained glass mosaic, as she is part of the mosaic of me. I love this painting. It sits on the wall across the desk in my office and it reminds me that what good I do in the world, I do for her too.
It takes a lot of love, energy and purpose (from everyone involved) to create a great magazine that can educate, motivate and help thousands of people. Mosaic Mind, Body and Spirit Magazine does that with the help of all of its writers, advertisers and artists, and I’m so grateful to each person who has been (or will be) a part of this magazine/website.
I especially want to thank Linda Keller, who designed this website. Without her, it would not be here. Her knowledge, work ethic and integrity set her apart from all the others and I’m so grateful to her. I can’t recommend her highly enough.
I was in Grade 3 when I had a mystical experience where I was told I would be a writer someday. It’s the reason I decided to take journalism. I didn’t know then that I would one day have a magazine or, through it, be inspired to help so many other people. But since the moment Mosaic became mine, I’ve felt it is a large and important part of my purpose and so I’ve dedicated myself to it and to you.
We are all in this together. Welcome, my friend, to this Mosaic tribe of kindred souls and lightworkers. May you find what you seek here…