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Inside Mosaic Magazine - Connie's Articles

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Judge what you want to learn

It must be love - Click on the link and view pg.30 of our on-line magazine

What goes around, comes around

A dream of surrender

Confessions are for the soul

Gifts from my Dad

Clearing the energy in our homes

We are here to learn lessons

Hello from the Other Side

My ‘let them dance’ AHA

What is Tribal Shaming?

Create a wish list

A bushel and a peck

Gifts from this baby of mine

My experiences with Jesus

We can have it all

Moving beyond my edges

Learning to honor ourselves

When shame isn’t yours

The many gifts of crying

Messages from the ‘Other Side’

Endings and new beginnings

Asking myself and then Spirit

Following my own voice

It's all good, even the tough parts

Just listen to the whispers

I'd of had to miss the dance

Wishing and hoping and praying

I am that, and that, and that

Being real creates real magic

I'm blessed by moments of grace

My Mom, some shoes, some soul sisters

Loving what is, just the way it is

Learning to embrace my weirdness

“There but by the grace of God, go I”

They hear our thoughts and prayers

A very special letter from my Mom

What’s love got to do with it?

Struggling to find some bliss, baby

Learning to sing from my heart again

Evolving from chicks to wise women

This little light of mine wants to shine

Teachers - the good, the bad and Gabi

Latest Article

Judge what you want to learn

Summer, 2018 -
by Connie Brisson

Here’s the wonderful (and tragic) thing about selfawareness… you don’t know, until you know. BUT then once you know, well then, there’s no going back.

I didn’t know I could sometimes be judgmental until I (alas) had the self-awareness that I could sometimes be judgmental. And then I learned the biggest lesson of all – judge only what you want to learn.

There’s this joke about a guy who thought his parents were idiots when he was 18 years old, but when he turned 25, he couldn’t believe how much they learned. I think that sums it up for all of us, as life is this ever-lasting journey of learning AND, simultaneously, discovering that we didn’t know it all (when we thought we did).

When we don’t know something, we don’t know it. When we hear a story about so and so, doing “this and that,” we just groan and make a bunch of judgement calls on them.

In contrast, when we do know something, when we’ve lived through something, we understand it and then we therefore “get it” when someone else is going through something similar. We have compassion for the other person or the circumstances because we understand how complicated life can be (things aren’t always so black and white.)

Certainly, life has a way (as we progress through the years) of showing us our flaws. I know that ALL my judgements of other people have always come back to bite me in the ass.

Yes indeed, I have humbly noticed (before I marveled) that anything I have judged another for, I have then gotten to experience first hand myself - not as a punishment - but as an AHA, as a learning. In fact, when I look back, everything I have ever judged someone for, has been my unknown invitation to the Universe (a powerful prayer) inadvertently asking for a lesson so I would understand whatever I had just judged.

I’ve got so many examples but some of them are just so personal or extraordinarily stupid that I just don’t want to share them. But the biggest one that comes to mind that I can fess up to, especially as I’ve been writing about my relationship with her for so long, is my Mom.

My Mom and I had this relationship that was so emotionally precarious… I don’t think she thought it was that. I mean, I don’t think she thought about it at all. She was just living her life and I was just her daughter and it was all just ordinary.

I didn’t want ordinary. I wanted something more profound; I wanted depth and meaning in everything. And she couldn’t do it – it just wasn’t who she was.

Well now I have an 18-year-old daughter and, throughout her life (from the time she was very little), I’ve purposely delved deep into my soul to give her every bit of emotional depth I have to offer. But still, somehow, to her there are times when she thinks I fell short… when what I said was not enough and what I did was not enough – when I was not enough.

And then I think about my Mom. I think about how I judged her – about how she didn’t give me what I needed. Well, now I have a daughter who has her moments of judging me (that I sometimes do not give her all that she needs) although I would have gorged on what I’ve given her. But for her, it was not enough at times. And that’s okay.

I see that we judge what we need to later live through. I know (because the Universe uses us all for lessons) that my dear, darling daughter is going to get her own profound lessons on mothering (just as I did). One day when she is a Mom, she’s going to see how complex it is, and even if it’s only for one small moment, on one dreary day, she’s going to have an AHA about her judgments about my mothering and I’m going to smile about it (from wherever I am). And that is so okay with me because we are all here to learn.

A teacher recently told me that people who are the most judgmental are those with younger souls. That made so much sense to me because it is age and living through many life experiences that give us wisdom and compassion. Young souls are eager and idealistic (right and wrong are very black and white) while old souls are more understanding and appreciative of the overall value of every life experience. There is something to be learned in everything.

I’m still learning all the time. We all are. But the fun thing now, for me, is to catch myself when I’m being judgmental. Because now I can play a game and ask myself curious questions… But my best one is still the simple “why?” Why am I being so judgmental about this?

I think I was judgmental about my Mom because there was this hole in me about love, about whether I was worthy of love. And to be honest, I think that is always why we are judgmental of others – because they make us wonder if we are worthy of love.